On not being there

Watching the funeral on a live stream was one if the most surreal moments of my life. Stace and I were in our pj's huddled together on the floor in the wee hours of the morning watching you all from above like some sort of spirits. It was incredibly emotional

I'd seen Gran before Christmas for what I knew was the last time and our final farewell was very emotional for me. However I hadn't quite prepared myself that it would be so soon before that assertion was proven correct.

My life during that times was very straightforward: work, sleep, call dad, work, sleep. Making the rest of the time as routine as possible was an easy way to forget what I was not there for.

From the sounds of it you had a very hard time witnessing Gran's final days. It was emotionally draining just speaking to her on the phone. I didn't see how she looked but I have a vivid picture in my head thanks to Maria's description. After the second goodbye I couldn't face the third. I can only imagine how it was for you all.